You would've thought "Fifty Shades of Grey" was the first time some women had heard about sex. Your average prime-time TV show contains more sex scenes, props, and banter than a porn movie 50 years ago so it's quaint to see so many American women worked up about this movie. The furore has died down since it opened in the U.S. in February when the excitement was at fever-pitch with loads of girls-night-out post-cinema parties, combinations of S&M and Tupperware parties. Pass the salsa, and the rabbit. Eat your taco dip while you watch a demonstration on how to turn on your toy. Then, go place your order -- in private, away from your squealing friends. Personally, I couldn't think of anything less sexy.
But you get the feeling these parties aren't meant to be sexy or sultry or to ignite passions. Rather, they seem more like giant excuses to play. The movie, based on the best-selling book, is about a man and woman who have sex with a lot of play involved, albeit not to everyone's taste. But playing and sexuality are entwined, and what limits both are blockages in the sacral (See 'Sacral Flow,' Nov 2014), that second chakra which is about flow, compassion, and sensuality. It's hard to let loose and play and feel alive when you're blocked, tight, and holding onto old emotions, residual garbage from past experiences and relationships and encounters.
It's also difficult when you live in a society that seems to push us to take care of the boring, tedious bits of life first and then do the pleasurable stuff that makes us happy. Having relocated back to the US, you do see a workman-like quality in American life that you just don't see in Europe or London where there is a lot more whimsy in the air and in the streets. But adults worldwide are a bit deluded and have it all backwards, doing the boring stuff on to-do lists first and only then maybe, after all the work gets done, 'rewarding' themselves with an activity that has to be easy to consume and digest, and instantly gratify because they are so tired from finishing all their work. You wonder why people comfort-eat? Do drugs? Drink themselves silly? How can you build space around you to create or truly relax into play when you view these activities as 'rewards'?
Children do not do this. I never met a child who headed straight to the tedious stuff. Children do not willingly do stuff that doesn't bring them joy or excitement or thrill every cell in their bodies. I began an experiment not too long ago with my 'to-do' list -- anything that I felt had to be done immediately fell to the bottom of the list and I wouldn't do it until I absolutely had to. The priorities were all my hobbies that brought me joy, the people who I could enjoy play-time with, and creating space to create. Are you afraid you'll enjoy your life too much? Don't worry the dishes will be there later. You will eventually have to pick up the kids and fold the laundry. The weird thing is all that manages to get done. If your body is screaming at you to go for a bike ride or try on a dress -- or better yet make a dress -- go for it without the mind interfering with oh, not now or I'm not good enough to make a dress or I don't know how to do that so well. All that mind chatter disrupts your body's flow. This is how anxiety issues develop.
And who cares about your to-do list. Do you really think you'll get some kind of collective award for doing stuff that doesn't excite you? Really? Do you think anyone cares? Here's a secret: No one does. So you might as well have as much fun as you can. Don't worry. You'll get your share of pain and sadness and disappointment but if you're going to swing to the other end -- you might as really go for it, make yourself deliriously alive and happy, whatever it is.
But you get the feeling these parties aren't meant to be sexy or sultry or to ignite passions. Rather, they seem more like giant excuses to play. The movie, based on the best-selling book, is about a man and woman who have sex with a lot of play involved, albeit not to everyone's taste. But playing and sexuality are entwined, and what limits both are blockages in the sacral (See 'Sacral Flow,' Nov 2014), that second chakra which is about flow, compassion, and sensuality. It's hard to let loose and play and feel alive when you're blocked, tight, and holding onto old emotions, residual garbage from past experiences and relationships and encounters.
It's also difficult when you live in a society that seems to push us to take care of the boring, tedious bits of life first and then do the pleasurable stuff that makes us happy. Having relocated back to the US, you do see a workman-like quality in American life that you just don't see in Europe or London where there is a lot more whimsy in the air and in the streets. But adults worldwide are a bit deluded and have it all backwards, doing the boring stuff on to-do lists first and only then maybe, after all the work gets done, 'rewarding' themselves with an activity that has to be easy to consume and digest, and instantly gratify because they are so tired from finishing all their work. You wonder why people comfort-eat? Do drugs? Drink themselves silly? How can you build space around you to create or truly relax into play when you view these activities as 'rewards'?
Children do not do this. I never met a child who headed straight to the tedious stuff. Children do not willingly do stuff that doesn't bring them joy or excitement or thrill every cell in their bodies. I began an experiment not too long ago with my 'to-do' list -- anything that I felt had to be done immediately fell to the bottom of the list and I wouldn't do it until I absolutely had to. The priorities were all my hobbies that brought me joy, the people who I could enjoy play-time with, and creating space to create. Are you afraid you'll enjoy your life too much? Don't worry the dishes will be there later. You will eventually have to pick up the kids and fold the laundry. The weird thing is all that manages to get done. If your body is screaming at you to go for a bike ride or try on a dress -- or better yet make a dress -- go for it without the mind interfering with oh, not now or I'm not good enough to make a dress or I don't know how to do that so well. All that mind chatter disrupts your body's flow. This is how anxiety issues develop.
And who cares about your to-do list. Do you really think you'll get some kind of collective award for doing stuff that doesn't excite you? Really? Do you think anyone cares? Here's a secret: No one does. So you might as well have as much fun as you can. Don't worry. You'll get your share of pain and sadness and disappointment but if you're going to swing to the other end -- you might as really go for it, make yourself deliriously alive and happy, whatever it is.
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